LICIA

2010-09-25T23:32:00.001+08:00

Uni has started for almost 6 weeks, time really really flies. I'm busy reading amino acids. Who cares if amino acids canbe oxidized, or what crap. Sat night is making me melancholic again. I really miss those JC days.

I'm disappointed in you and in myself. What on earth is going on in me.

2010-07-09T23:31:00.003+08:00

I'm so dead. I just realised that so many important documents are sent to my old email account. Someone save me! Its pretty strange, last night I told God to help me "think some stuff". He did, and the dreams were nice. I really dunno whats happening, its scary to let you mind wonder elsewhere.

2010-07-06T12:06:00.002+08:00

Lots of thoughts running through my mind, and you are the constant image that keep on reappearing.

2010-06-21T13:49:00.002+08:00

I'm so bored, weather's killing me, and time is ticking by quickly. I guess thats called Monday Blues. So my hotmail and facebook accounts are hacked into last week. So I'm officially SOCIALESS. I'm living in my house (which is located way beyond human vision) and waiting for some Prince in shining armour to save me (or rather my accounts). I'm so pissed at that hacker. Seriously, whats the joy of hacking into pple's account? all my uni stuff are inside. AHHHHHHHHH

I'm going to start using blogger again. Hopefully, everyone will know that I'm still alive.

2010-06-01T13:39:00.002+08:00

Let's see, the last post was dated sometime in Feb. So much has happened over the past few months and its 1st june alrdy. Aww.

Got A level results in March. And THANK GOD for the wonderful results. Who would have imagine this "always get D for GP" student to have done well for GP? It's truely god's blessing.
Ended my TIP in March as well. Till now, I still missed all my 3A kids, all those crappy lessons, and sound effects..
Started driving lessons end March, and I met wonderful instructors like Soo and Seah (which zhix and I totally adore)
Cello Exam. It was pretty exciting, cause the last time I took graded exams was in Sec3. haha. And the results were pleasing as well.
Went HK holiday with Fiona and Shu and my mum as well. We had such a great time there, walked till our legs ached each night, camwhored like mad as well.
Uncle Sean's wedding!
Finally picked my Uni course.

I cant believe I did so many things even though I was "unemployed". Of course the list still goes on. 2 more months till school starts, and blogging seems throughly mundane right now. Till then.

2010-02-21T21:12:00.003+08:00

Its been pretty long since I last blogged. School's alright so far. 3 more weeks left, I got to decide what to do after Term1. I've been talking to alot of people recently, about my future, career, results etc. In the past, I was more practical, thinking that choosing a Science course will more or less land me in a secure job in the future. Recently, my heart tells me something else. If I were to listen to my heart, I wonder how far would that take me. I may either gained alot or lose alot. Its such a risky decision, and I have no clue how's my A results.

God, please be my guide.

2010-02-09T21:17:00.002+08:00

It was a bad day in my opinion. Initially it was alright, I had a fun time talking to the kids in the class for an hour, doing random things for once, nice lunch, got my ppt slides done and all. It all boils down to miscommunication. I was blasted. I was angry, but at the same time, I dunt understand why am I so timid about it. Maybe I'm really not cut out for it.

2010-02-07T22:43:00.002+08:00

I had a wonderful with Joce today (:

Went to the library to return the "drenched in flood" library book. And sadly, I have to pay for it, since it was kinda damaged. And the worst thing was, I paid for it and I couldnt have yet. Tons of rubbish they gave. Walked to Marina, got my cello strings, lunch, and 2 new dresses for CNY (:

I'm so glad that despite all the problems I'm facing right now, I got my FB girls to count on (: (of course the guys, clsmates and clique!) I could always share my dreams with joce and clar, my problems with eunice 1 and 2, and count on cheryl and sonia to bring laughter and crap. And right now, I should be praciting hard if I want to be a step closer to my dream.

And I finally start tmr.

2010-02-06T22:34:00.003+08:00

It's almost the end of the week again. Ever since this year started, I've been more attentive to the number of days and weeks that past. Let's see, this week started out really mundane again.

My Thursday was really chaotic. Toilet bowl leaked and water stared gushing out. Flooded my whole bedroom and the living room as well. And there was a mini waterfall, and all my piano books and of course my lovely new piano were drenched in sewage water. Piano repairman came in the afternoon and dismantled the whole piano. Its cool, I mean how many people actually see the interior and the different mechanics inside the piano? Got to sun/blow dry it everyday man.

My Friday was not so good. Got blasted by mentor, and the whole thing that lies ahead this week is pretty scary. Passed my BTT (:

I had such a weird Saturday. It started off really well during morning lessons, had lunch, collected/changed phone, shop around, then went back for piano accomp practice. It was horrid. I wonder what the **** was I playing. I couldn't count triplets, and I couldn't follow the piano. The guy was kinda pissed off. One moment I was thinking of the pitch, the next moment bowing, the next moment to follow the piano. And that resulted in poor concentration. I just have no idea what happened during that 45 mins. I got to buck up, seriously.

I've got so much things to settle this week, and I've no idea where to start from. Not good at all.

2010-02-01T22:14:00.003+08:00

Yknow, when you get a job, your life is supposedly more interesting (since you have tasks daily, and you meet different people). However, I think mine gets more boring by the day. 4 weeks and 4 days left. I really have no clue what to do after that.

This weekend was pretty turbulent I guess. Heard and found stuff that shatter my heart. I lied on the bed and felt that the whole world came crashing down for the moment. Still trying my best to get over it. I guess I'm pretty emotional recently. I was feeling really sad just now when I was with Cheyne. I'm such a lousy friend to have, neglecting him and not showing him enough love. I want Cheyne to last for a long time with me. At least more than 3 months please, if not I'll get real upset.

Love clar and joce- who talked to me and made me feel so much better each time.
Love shan, zhix, pam, mijie- we had a great time on Sunday (: and I'm looking forward to the next one!

On a side note, damn, I got to do my weekly journals and fill in the stupid time sheet.

2010-01-30T18:36:00.000+08:00

My magnolias in the meadow, please keep my dreams bright and beautiful.

2010-01-30T13:30:00.002+08:00

I was really angry with (I think) myself the past 1 hour. I had a bad morning. Kept on waking up every hour, and hence bad sleep. Bad hair, bad traffic jam to cello lessons, bad scales, bad concentration, bad brain, bad bad bad bad bad bad bad. Makes me really pissed off yknow. Everything makes me pissed off, even my bad lousy phone makes me angry. I cant believe that I practiced so hard this week, and I forget all my fingering for scales, forget this and forget that. The drums next door, and my bad ear made me felt as if I was in a whirl and nothing was going through my mind at all. Horrible.

I got slides to prepare for next week lessons. Damn it.

2010-01-27T21:49:00.002+08:00

Theres no value addedness in the things I'm doing now.
I have no clue what to do, what to apply for, considering that As is going to be released pretty soon.
Reality and Dreams are two extreme things.
I hate it when people quarel.
I still cant forget that incident.
I dun like it when my heart and mind feels burdened and helpless.
I want to shout out loud, but I end up swallowing all my feelings down.
Its only thursday tmr, omg.
I really dun want to type out explicitly what I'm feeling, its too personal.
I have lots of random things on hand, and I have no idea where to start. God, please help me.

2010-01-24T12:39:00.002+08:00

I've realised that ever since the start of this year, I've not been blogging much. Guess theres nothing much to blog about work, since its pretty mundane and extremely boring. I've not been following my new year resolutions at all. The start of this year hasn't been pretty much smooth-sailing, and I don't like it.

Its a bit late now, but many thanks for the lovelies who celebrated my birthday last weekend (: Thanks to Jacon, Brian, Keith, Robin, Kd, Yiling and of course bestie shu! (: I got no pictures of it,coz stupid jacon video it instead. Oh well.

Yknow work has made me realised that it might not be my cup of tea. I always had the idea that I was suited for it, and it was definitely going to be interesting. Boy, I was wrong. Now that results might be coming up in about one month's time, and scholarships are inviting for applicants, I'm getting really panicky about it. I haven't made my mind, and I got one more month to see if I really enjoy it. God, please be my light and guide me.

2010-01-21T21:48:00.001+08:00

Just when I thought there was some light after the rain, the dark clouds came again.

I'm not feeling happy about it. I'm feeling miserable ever since the start of the whole thing. I'm in dilema, and itsnt great at all.

2010-01-12T21:23:00.002+08:00

It's day2. Try staring, stoning, rotting for more than 14 hours in 2 days.
I'm getting turned off pretty soon.
Help.

2010-01-10T14:16:00.002+08:00

Gosh, suddenly I'm missing the TIP sessions. It was really good. I'm finally starting school tmr, new place, new people and everything. I hope it's going to be a fantastic and less stressing experience. I wonder how am I going to wake up at 530 every morning from tmr onwards. All the best interns (:

Resumed back my cello lessons ytd. I guess I really need to brushed up on everything, esp scales. I suck at scales, even for piano, I cant play it well. It's frustrating yknow. On the good note, I finally got the piano piece I wanted since last year(: I think bossa nova is nice.

Have a good week ahead!

2010-01-08T21:39:00.002+08:00

Internet is running really like a tortoise now, and it's getting on my nerves. I finally had the chance to sleep till noon today! I had been waking up at 530 for the past 4 days! And I'm going to do that for many months to come. I better cherish tmr and sunday! I'm so excited for tmr!

2010-01-07T17:41:00.003+08:00

I think the world out there is getting scarier. There's so much competition. I felt as if I was living inside my own bubble without realising the hard truth of reality. There are people out there much greater, smarter than I am. Its hard yknow.

I just saw the email (: I'm getting excited. I'm going to trust results, future, course everything into God's hands. This are just things which you cannot decide for yourself, and God knows the rest.

2010-01-06T23:12:00.002+08:00

One thing that I detest the most is people not arriving on time. Of course, some times there are other factors that caused people to arrive late. I'm not always early also, but have those late ones considered for the early one? You think walking around aimlessly for half hour without being informed is an interesting activity? I wasted my time from 530 till 7 plus, and my bus/MRT fares.. If I keep blabbering on, I'm going to lose my cool. Chill.

Today's course was good (: I'm kinda excited for Monday! And I'm starting to miss those girls in the same room as I was. Many of us dint knew each other, even though we were in the same school, but we made friends, and felt as if we knew each other for a long period of time! Haha. Awesome! Last session tmr!

I've got so much on hand at the moment. I need my sleep. I need to study and understand chem again. I need to practice my cello. And before I do that, I need to tune my stupid G string. I need to match my outfits. I need to figure how to get there. I need to tone my calf muscles (its getting huge from all those distance that I walked and stairs that I climbed. I cant believe it man, they dun like it belong to my legs. Eew). I need to swim and get my tan back (it pretty saddening cause only the back tanlines are still visible). Maybe I should start with my new year resolutions.

2010-01-05T21:49:00.003+08:00

I thought today was an alright day, except for the crowds squeezing for bus95. Haha, just hope tmr will be better(:

I was really pissed off just now. I wanted to say I hate you. I shall just keep my cool for the moment. You dun exist in my life at all, simple as that.

2010-01-04T21:15:00.002+08:00

So school started officially for the lil ones. We woke up early today and drove lil sister to school today! I kinda miss waking up early, taking the super early bus, and hang around at choir store in the morning. I guess I might start having that kind of lifestyle next week.

Shopping today with mommy and erch was great(: I got a new set of wardrobe for school, new pairs of heels, accessories and stuff. Now I need to cramp the stupid chem stuff into my brain.
Lets go. And cross my fingers that tmr's seminar would be good.

2010-01-03T22:45:00.002+08:00

Yknow, good times past so fast.

The next time I'm meeting zhix is 15, the next time I'm meeting clar and the girls will most probably be 17. 2 weeks of boredom. Its strange reading secondary chem,bio,amath and thinking about JC stuff. I'm dreading this week-3 days of seminar, revision, and more revision. While others are starting school happily tmr, I'm glad I have one more week, before its full swing for me.

Come on, go exercise tmr.

2009-12-31T14:36:00.002+08:00

So its the last day of 2009. To be very honest, I'm not exactly looking forward or feeling really excited about the coming year. Its strange yknow. Year after year, and I feel dreadful about having to count down. Its just a change in calender, the numbers, while everything still remains the same. I stopped writing new year resolutions about 2 years ago, simply because I never really fufil any single one of them. Its just so human nature to be fickle and change their minds easily. And it definitely takes more effort to keep to it. Well, just a while ago, I was really angry over some stuff. Who cares, I'm not going to be sulky because of it.

Initially I wanted to start this post by thanking people. But sounds so cliche, and I guess I would never ever finish. To me, this year was good. Actually every year was good.

Of course there were plenty of ups and downs this year. But I'm really glad that I survived it through. Esp the SYF period and As. I think I said it like a million years about SYF, but I'm still going to say it. I participated in many SYFs since primary school, but this year's SYF really left a deep impression in me. As a SL, roles are different, responsibilities are different. It was really a difficult period, enduring scoldings from conductors, trying to help members and worse of all, I had a ear problem. Just before the SYF, we got scolded, we were giving up, everyone was really low in morale, as if the world is going to end the next day. I absolutely hated practice too, to be very honest.

That day on stage was the best time in my life. I rmbered how the lights shone on us, making our purple gowns looked really nice, the audience clapping for us, the chemistry and trust between one another, how we poured our heart and soul into the song. I dunno if everyone else felt that, but I felt a strange feeling. As we sang our last sound, Koute, memories of choir life since sec 1 just flashed back. I felt my heart and voice lingering on stage, I felt the grove, the pulse and connection. I was standing there, staring at VCH, the judges, Ms Lim and the audience. It was a good feeling. It sounds like a fantasy story, haha. But its true. Thats the most thankful thing I ever experience this year. And I have a tiny wish, to stand on stage once again and perform.

Well, I'll put pictures later. Love yourself Allicia.

2009-12-28T23:36:00.002+08:00

Have you tried being close to someone you dint like at all? I'm feeling so miserable. Everyday's like a play; where you put on a mask, and act your way through the day. Its so superficial, and meaningless. I'm not thinking abt the future, I just want to be comfortable and live as it is.

My horrible ear problem is back again. Maybe Santa stuffed cotton into my ears and block all sounds again. It pops, and pops and pops, like everylasting popcorn. Sounds pretty ironical, but its like this. You pop, and you still cant hear. And I'm getting pissed off by my own playing. I sucked. Maybe it wasnt a good choice to be too ambitious. I want to sleep and shake the bad parts off.

2009-12-27T17:11:00.002+08:00

I had a weird, but surprisingly pleasant dream. It felt really real, and super super unexpected. I think I have such weird dreams everynight, and its almost possible to compile them into a book. Maybe that will be my next year resolution. Haa. I'm so so stuck with theory. If only I talked to Beethoven or Mozart, or those weird musicians who set the rules.

2009-12-26T20:08:00.002+08:00

Yeah its "Free Day" today.

I was darn early and I hate douby mrt station for the many exits. We caught the Egyptian exhibition at NSM. It was alright, mostly artefacts. I still prefer reading those history books, its more exciting. We went to Esplanade and caught a free concert put up by PhilWinds. They are really good, and I really enjoyed myself(: Its my first time watching a wind/brass orchestra, and of course some looked really good. Thats besides the point. In anycase, I really like the arty-farty life right now.

2009-12-25T22:52:00.002+08:00

So its Christmas again. Last christmas was raining. This christmas was packed like sardines. I'm getting scared of crowds, the pushing, the heat and all. Heard the juniors at Orchard Central, then walked all the way to Tanglin Mall. (For goodness sake, its darn far) Heard the alumni, plus clar and bian. Oh well, it wasnt an exciting night ('cept the crowds. Its like Amazing Race road block)

I had a really weird dream last night. There were lots of clouds, the surroundings were white puffy with clouds, and there were 3 doors-2 white and 1 black. I cant rmb what happened after that. Must be all the stupid novels that I'm reading.

Anyway, I was glad to see the first photo on facebook. I'm really missing the times we sang, the joy, the tears, the laughter we shared together. I'm itching to sing again.

Merry Christmas.

2009-12-23T23:44:00.003+08:00

Hello my Tita, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!(:

I'm so sorry I dint get you anything, and I dont think you will read my blog. Nonetheless, thanks for taking care of me since I was 5? I love you lots lots lots lots lots lots. You never fail to wash my clothes and make them smell nice all the time, cook lots of delicious stuff, and got me to like filipino food as well, clean my room for me, sign my papers, walked me to school when I was younger, buy my favourite food, carry my things for me and lots more! You are a super woman! (: You're so cute tita, and you dun look old at all! mua mua!

I just want to say, I love you mum.

2009-12-22T23:19:00.003+08:00

《当我们同在一起》

现在没跟外婆一起住了。
特别想念外婆的唠叨声。。。

记得当年，每次外婆唠叨，我就觉得外婆很烦很惹人厌。
最近，外婆生体不太好，连唠叨的力气也没了。
但她就是那么可爱。
今晚，回了外婆家吃晚餐。
我一开门大声地说，“阿嫲，我回来了。”
她马上兴致勃勃的欢迎我们。
虽然，对他人来说，这没什么，但我知道，阿嫲是真的很开心。
饭后，一家人围绕在电视旁看电视，有说有笑，三代同堂，真是件很幸福的事。
搬了新家后，房子虽大了，但人与人之间的感情却更生疏。
我真整天无所事事，一天天就这样的浪费掉。
很怀念以前和阿嫲一起住，每天热热闹闹的日子。

现在社会步伐快，说真的，又有谁会去珍惜与外婆破或外公相处的时间。
我虽然不是一个很乖的孙子，但起码我有去想过。
大家都追求着不同的理想，对幸福的概念也截然不同。
有时候，我认为幸福是有个快乐的家。
有时候，我认为幸福是做我喜欢的事。
但，最近，应步伐慢了，觉得最幸福的事，是和外婆在一起。

再打出时，热泪在眼眶里打转。
我已经很久很久没有坐下来，一人慢慢地去细想。
我是个不会用感情来表白的人。
我知道阿嫲也不会上网来读。
可是又有谁能明白我的感触呢。。。

正在播放的柴可夫斯基音乐是那么的悲伤，忧愁。
我心里的天空不是灰的。
我要把握时间，珍惜与阿嫲相处的时间。
虽然心是这样想，但谈何容易。、
还是收拾心情，尽量去做。
我是真的很爱您的。
我连小六所写的一篇文章《我最爱的人》也都收起来。
虽然纸都发黄，错字连篇，但每当我阅读时，自己总觉得很温馨。
我心里的感触都写出来了，心里也好了点。
我要您身体健康，永远都为我唠叨不停。。。

2009-12-21T14:55:00.002+08:00

The girls came over on Friday for our Sleepover 09! (: Fiona and I baked in the afternoon, May came over in the evening and we cooked our Ikea dinner! Shu, Sihui and Yiling came over later. We had tons of funs just gossipping, viewing facebook, watching vids, and of course, took photos at 3am ;D I love the girls lots lots lots, esp we are all in diff schools right now and its really hard to meet up with one another!

Saturday was a mini housewarming. Sherry & her brother, Jerry &friend, Godma's family, and sisters church friends were here. Timbre @ Old School after that with the guys. And I got a terrible headache after that.

I've been waking up at shitty hours recently. And my appetite has grew enormously huge. This is bad. I need to start running and swimming soon.

PS: Cheyne's so cute. He make his bed so comfortable.

2009-12-18T12:10:00.002+08:00

It's horrible. The day just started off badly. The window drillers came and change out my room windows and woke up me. Cheyne started ignoring me again. The electric cables were screwed. My cello was super out of tune (was it caused by the drilling?!). I got darn pissed off trying to tune the strings back. I received news that made my day crappy tmr. The girls are coming later. I need to embrace myself.

2009-12-16T22:29:00.002+08:00

So Christie and I finally met up today! (the last time we met was during founders day last year! gosh!) I was so late and let the poor girl sit there and wait for me ;( Bused down to Botanic, and it rained straight away. So poor us just sit inside a shelter with like a family and couple and started eating raisin bread. Finally, the weather cleared abit and we sat under the slight drizzle and started our official picnic(:

Its been a looong looong time since I totally relaxed and just stare at the clouds and smell the freshness of the grass. We had soo much to catch up with each other, and we talked for hours non stop(:

I love you christie dear! Rmb our next trip to star gaze(:

2009-12-15T22:19:00.002+08:00

FB girls met up today for tons of fun(: cept for bian and sonia! We had a great lunch at TCC, walked to SAM, then ACM. Saw the Land of the Morning exhibition, walked back, had starbucks, and trained down to kino to check out cheryl's mag. I dint know kino had tons of music scores and related books (:

Oh yes, I was scammed today. Horrid. Beware of pple of comes up to you and shake your hand like a hundred times, talks really fast, show you some stuff(which cannot be seen) and acts damn friendly. I'm not doubting charity organisations, but obviously some are so fake. And I cant believe I fall for it. What on earth was I thinking when I was there. Heavy price for a lesson learnt.

I'm so thankful for the girls. They kept me through JC life. They are the bunch that I see every morning at 7am, the bunch that I see after school till 8pm (: I really think its amazing how all 7 of us came from diff schools(cept sonia and clar), and ended up together as FB. Of course, FB guys too(: with df and eugene in army alrdy!

Sudden thought of the day: I hate inter-relationships.

2009-12-14T23:08:00.001+08:00

I got my new love today, hes called Cheyne (:

He looks abit like Mark, just that hes much smaller and hes so picky. But I'm having a good time just staring at him <3

2009-12-13T22:19:00.002+08:00

I had alot of thoughts running through my mind just a while ago. But now, I really cant remember what I wanted to type. I'm still struggling. Its a horrible period which I guess everyone has to go through.

I'm feeling really fat. Wait, on second thoughts. I think I gained weight.

2009-12-12T19:12:00.002+08:00

Let's see, this week past really really fast. Class chalet on tuesday was (: We had mahjong marathon like the whole entire day, bbq, night cycling around pasir ris, mahjong again, watched sun rise(not really, more like suffering the cold wind), and more mahjong.

Spent my thursday and friday packing up my house. Goodness gracious, all the dust gave me a bad bad headache, cough, sorethroat and runny nose ;( oh well, Shu came over last night for a mini sleepover, and kd was here as a free labourer. I'm sure the next week's will be much better(: I was glad that I dint screw up my lesson today. Oh well, so much more to practice before exams next year! And got to hit back the books soon!

Where are you my love? We searched for you all day long.

I hate to type some rip note.

2009-12-07T19:28:00.002+08:00

Last night, I was having a chat with tita and I realised that I lost track of time after As ended.

I had a great time with the girls ytd(: My legs and thighs are like aching today- very badly. And I met shandy in the morning to cut my gorgeous locks of hair. Oh well, I officially have short hair now. It isnt that bad i guess. I kept on pychoing myself the whole of last night. The last time I had short hair was when I was 6 years old. So that means no one had saw me in my short hair before. haha. Thankfully, response was quite positive(: (minus my irritating sister who keep on critising it haha)

off to chalet tmr(:

2009-12-05T19:58:00.002+08:00

So well, A's finally over on thurs. Strange though, coz there isnt any special excitement or what.

Senior's farewell was last night. The 2 years of choir experience in NJchoir had been really fantastic. I rmbered my first practice, the snrs was singing christmas carols and I just stoned there for almost 2 hours. And Ms Lim being Ms Lim, scolded the sops and threw us out -.-

During J1 orientation, there was choir practice already. When everyone else had fun, I had choir practice. But it was worth it for the Italy trip. I rmb clarissa telling me that her chinese name was tiancai, and cheryl acted so well to convinced me too. Oh well, Its amazing how new friends were made and new relationships were developed during the trip. FB came about one night coz the 12 of us had similar topics and ideas. HAHA (:

Of course, winning Gold at the trip was commendable. Till now, I never like Jap Game but who cares right. We had a NDP recording, we practice like crazy during the hols, senior farewell, our unfinished Java Jive and so much more. SYF was crazy. I guess thats like one of my scariest SYF. Coz being SL, I had to know my parts, care for my section, endure Ms Lim (as usual), and I had a horrible ear problem. But the feeling on stage that day was really good (: Till now, when i hear the recording, I can feel goosebumps on my skin. Sounds funny, but I really like the feeling when we all sang our hearts out and dance together on stage.

Really, being in NJchoir is one the best thing in my JC life. Everyday is revolved around choir. 3 times a week, practices till late night. Twice a week morning singing, and plenty of fun and singing all the time. We sing everywhere, toilet, balcony, canteen, on our way out to school, when we are out shopping, picnic and more..

When the seniors got together to sing for the one last time, it was really good. I wonder whens the next time we will all gather and sing together again.

2009-11-28T14:52:00.001+08:00

I had nightmare last night, oh well. Maybe its conscience bugging me since I had not been studying since monday. Shall start later when fishing with dad later(:

I'm glad today. First lesson of cello after stopping for 5 weeks. Feels good to be back in the studio, and see my teacher! Oh well, stress is piling up since exam are like early next year ;( I dun even know where to start from, all the scales, the Danse piece, the Minuet and Prelude. I should just do MCQ first.

2009-11-23T23:16:00.002+08:00

You know, God works in amazing ways that we cant see.

There was so much things to memorise for bio paper 3, and I was having a terrible headache last night. I rmb just telling God to help me open my eyes and give me inspiration for topics to pay attention to. Though, I dint really answered the question well, but I was thankful that God helped me to pay special attention to topics that came out today. Praise God. I could not imagine what will happen if I just blindly relied on my own strength and studied.

My God is an Awesome God.

I feel rather peaceful during this period of examinations. Just felt that He will provide for me, I'll do my best and He'll do the rest.

Praise God!

2009-11-20T22:16:00.002+08:00

Dilema.
I read/saw/heard things that tempted me.
No, its nothing immoral.

Dreams.
Should I be practical or chase after my dreams.
I really need directions.

Passion.
Am I capable to pursue it or just treat it like a hobby.
Do I have the aptitude to do it.

Dear Daddy God, there are so so many things which are confusing and tempting me. I know you know whats on my mind, what are my dreams, and how I'm feeling. On one hand, I believe that you have plans that will benefit me. But on the other, I'm feeling weak and helpless on my own. Why is my faith so tiny and small? When I see others relying on your for hope and strength, I feel small and incomparable to them. I know, no matter how small my faith it, even if its like the mustard seed, you hear me right? I need your help, your strength and your direction. Please guide me, steer me in the correct path ahead. I trust in you, and help me to focus what Im suppose to do now. I love you.
Your confused child.

2009-11-20T21:01:00.001+08:00

Over everything else, I trust God.
Hes the one that is able to do miracles, and I believe in that.

2009-11-15T15:55:00.002+08:00

HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY TO MY SWEETEST TUTOR(:

its amazing how 2 years past by soo quickly. I love you truckloads sherry(:
I cant concentrate studying. Econs doenst seem to appeal to me, not like it did when Edd was still around. Oh well, persevere on Allicia.

2009-11-14T00:00:00.003+08:00

well, one week of As over and done with.
Just need to hang in there with God's strength of course.

Went back choir today with FB. Gosh, I miss those times we had singing together, and esp Ms Lim. oh well, it made me happy today.

2009-11-06T15:54:00.002+08:00

Ahh, I had a dream a few days ago, and I miss them so so so much. Gosh, I'm missing all the fun, laughter, gossips we had.

Praise God, I received good news(: And I'm really excited!

Let this be motivation to work harder for As!

2009-11-04T18:38:00.001+08:00

It was scary. My whole mind just spun like crazy last night.
Everything was topsy turvy.
Im still getting it right now. it sucks
Please go away dizziness.

2009-11-03T22:28:00.000+08:00

I shouldnt have behaved that way, like a spoilt brat.
I should have been more appreciative.

I'm sorry.

2009-11-02T14:32:00.001+08:00

"Music is a higher revelation than all wisdom and philosophy."
Ludwig van Beethoven

2009-10-28T22:12:00.002+08:00

My lovely arowana died today.

I'm having mixed feelings about it. Its brother just died last week, and it died this week. I dunno, is there a link? I used to be sad when my fishes die. Can you imagine, you feed them everyday, see them, say hi and bye to them when you leave the house, and one day they just disappear from your life? My fish pet was a fish. Strangely enough, it was my mum who encouraged me to keep a pet. I recalled vividly about my small cute goldfish, the tigerstriped fish, and the many fishes i kept before. Rowan(thats what i call my arowana) was a poor soul. He was seperated from his brother for almost a year, he had an accident which caused him to be blind, he had no friends in his aquarium. Its making me teary right now.

This post is solely dedicated to my lovely fish. I dun want to post a bad picture of him. I wonder if fishes go to heaven? I love him always.

2009-10-24T18:59:00.002+08:00

AHH, I really dunno whats wrong with me. I was really disappointed today, with myself during lesson. I dun see a reason why I played like crap, and I forget everything. Its as if my soul just flew away during lesson and my mind wandered off. I stopped lessons from today onwards till As are over. I wonder how I will performed after one month. 5 days of non cello days nearly killed me this week. I felt unfamiliar, strange, weird to holding the bow, the strings and everything. I dunno what am I typing, just blabbering rubbish I guess.

Anyone wants to go destress with me?!

Well, Mark is darn cute. Hes like the cutest guy I ever met in my whole entire life. Just that his hands are difficult to hold. At least he makes my day happy(:

off studying.

2009-10-20T13:30:00.002+08:00

天气：晴朗。

可是我的心情跟今天的天气很不一样。
心里怪怪的，心情好像五味参杂。

昨晚，读了一篇关于梦的文章。
对我而言，梦的确很重要。
没有了梦，就好比没有希望，没有理想。
虽然是有点老套的想法，但，我相信每个人的心里总有一个渴望的梦。

我的梦，离现实有点太遥远了吧。
想一套，却做一套。
我想，我不是忧愁，而是失望吧。
还是别发白日梦了，赶快温习。。。

2009-10-19T18:22:00.002+08:00

我真的不明白为什么人与人之间要隐瞒东西。
隐瞒着对方，真的是为了他们的好吗?
有没有想过，如果对方知道了真相，后果会是怎样呢？

我不怪你。
我只是觉得自己太失败了。
连自己的心情都无法表达出来。

我到底该怎么做才好?
亲爱的上帝，请教教我吧。
在迷雾时，在我感到失望时，做我的灯塔来指引我。

2009-10-17T22:20:00.001+08:00

Liebesträume (German for Dreams of Love), is a set of three solo piano works by Franz Liszt published in 1850. Often, the term Liebesträume refers specifically to No. 3, the most famous of the three.

2009-10-16T16:49:00.002+08:00

今天，感触良多，

让我回想起很多，很多的回忆。

还记得第一次要早起塔巴士上学；

第一次到一个陌生的学校上学；

第一次遇到新的朋友等等。。。

很难想象，一转眼，两年的高中生活就过去了。

很难想象，每天和你朝夕相对的好朋友不会再你身边了。

很难想象，生命中的另一个大考验即将来临。

考试必然重要，但友情莫过于一切。

两年来，建了不少深厚的友情。

我很感激在我身旁的每一个朋友。

在我难过时，借了肩膀让我哭。

在我开心时，借了耳朵让我分享快乐。

在我遇到难处时，借了援手来帮我。

明年的这个时候，我们不在彼此身旁了。

莉玲，要感恩，把美好的一切都记在心里。

朋友，如果你在读的话，我要让你知道，我是多么的爱你。

我们一起加油吧！

2009-10-15T19:18:00.002+08:00

(edit- learn to be forgiving)

They dun understand the beauty behind each notes, the dun appreciate the motive, the direction, the melody and everything. Every staccato I played looks to him as him I'm hitting the piano for fun. He reckons that its emotionless. Does he even knows what Beethoven is thinking? Does he even have the rights to criticise someone who wrote this wonderful Sonata?

I love Beethoven, and every single sonata he wrote.

2009-10-14T22:08:00.002+08:00

Y'know, its an ordeal trying to read tons of infomation when nothing excites you at all. I dun care if poverty is a serious concern as a result of globalisation. I cant be bothered that corruption and inequality are some reasons why poverty exists. I dunno what am i doing at all.

I really need some enlightenment.

2009-10-13T15:30:00.001+08:00

I dun understand why is english making my life so difficult.

2009-10-11T20:53:00.002+08:00

I'm feeling really stupid right now.

I dunno whether is it the fall or what. Or maybe its stress. I cant understand what I have learnt or studied, and nothing goes into my brain. Im running away from reality. Esp GP. I dunno what to do.

Please help.

2009-10-10T21:46:00.002+08:00

It was horrible. Was I clumsy or just plain stupid?

After cello today, which dint went too well. I cant count for goodness sake, and its making me frustrating. I took the escalator down to the basement, and I actually fell off the flight of escalator. Ouch. ITS HORRIBLE. I HAVE NO FREAKING IDEA HOW I FELL BACKWARDS.

Cut the long and miserable story short, I sprained my back, bruised on back, escalator cuts on back and thigh, hit my head, and now have a terrible headache. And my baby cello tumbled down too. But thank god, there was no broken parts or anything, and Im still feeling fine cept for the horrrible feeling.

Thanks Joce for the party today, the food was awesome and your house is lovely!
Thanks Clar, Sonia for helping me with my cello and medication!

Thank God that nothing worse thank this. I cant imagine what would really happen.

2009-10-08T19:10:00.001+08:00

I'm frustrated.

I dun like my left ear.

2009-10-06T21:29:00.002+08:00

It was raining this morning, cold and windy.
I was holding onto my jacket as I walked towards the busstop.
I wonder where the lil cat would be in this weather.
I caught a glimpse of her, and she crawled behind the metal gates of the shops.
She saw me, purred at me loudly and gave me that innocent and pitiful stare.
I knew she was cold, but what could I do?
I could give her my jacket. but..

This morning showers of blessing made me so thankful.
I'm grateful for the things I have, and I'm learning to.

2009-10-05T20:02:00.003+08:00

Yknow, its sad when people dont listen to you.

You put in so much effort, and you finally achieved some good and decent results.
You want to share the joy and happiness with your family the minute you get home.
It kept you happy for the whole day, and you make a mental note to yourself.
You got back home, and they werent there.
You waited, and when its your turn to say, they dont listen.
They were not paying attention, they appeared superficial.
At that point, you feel sad. You felt that they had neglected you.
You felt that you dint make them proud enough.
You felt that the whole world dint loved you, and nobody understands you.
Your dreams and hope were dashed.

Sometimes, only your soft toys, the ones that were by your side all the time, the ones that remained quiet understands, and listens to you.
Living in a unreal world can be a source of comfort.

2009-10-05T16:56:00.001+08:00

Cheezer left today. Cheezer was Massie's beloved friend. Massie looks sad, really.

2009-10-04T22:14:00.001+08:00

I wonder what my lovelies are doing right now.

I am getting a headache, wait correction. I already had a headache. Sickening.

Everyone is mugging so hard, I better study hard too.

2009-10-03T19:44:00.002+08:00

I was feeling _________.

I was feeling frustrated a while ago, but I guess I'm alright now. Alot of things to do, and so little time. Sounds really cliche, but well, its real. My fingers are getting stiff recently, and I cant do those running notes well anymore. Its frustrating. I was literally stoning during cello today, and I think I pissed my teacher off a bit coz i forget what he said last week.

It will be a better week ahead. yes, it will be.

2009-09-29T21:31:00.002+08:00

Its strange when you keep on hearing weird and fuzzy sounds.
Its weird when you cover each ear and hear different things.
I'm frustrated, not being to practise properly, not being able to pitch properly.

Darn.

2009-09-29T15:24:00.000+08:00

I'm in love with this.

2009-09-27T13:39:00.002+08:00

Friday: Its been a long time since I last when back Fairfield. I'm so proud of my sister and it really reminded me of thanksgiving service 2 years ago. Long time since I last met my teachers, had chapel, sang the school song. Its wonderful to back(:

I had a good afternoon with Eunice and her sisters too.

Saturday: Mid Autumn Festival Celebrations at Indoor last night was really fantastic(: The mean age was like 40 and above, coz it was the hokkien and chi serivce. But it was really good, and I'm glad I understood like most it. Praise God!

We had late night supper at our fav chinese restuarant. And goodness, I got a big patch of bruise on my thing. Its the most embrassaing thing that happened to me, esp at Indoor, when there are like tens of pple around me. Urgh. Toodles, piano soon.

2009-09-25T19:30:00.003+08:00

Its scary how music is suddenly leaving you slowly.

My voice is really crappy now. And its making me quite sad coz I sound really weird.
I practiced cello today my fingers became sore, and I still cant get the pitch right. It's really irritating when your fingers and ears dont pay attention to you and coordinate well. The slightest bit of out of tune pitch really irritates me. And I guess I'm become tuneless. I dont know what I'm typing at all. Im blabbering my head off, feeling real upset that I cant tune. Darn.

2009-09-24T19:10:00.002+08:00

Prelims ended today. I'm not so glad after all. The weather spells it all.

I have been feeling so negative recently, maybe its the stress. But I guess its because it has been such a long time that I really feel happy and doing something that I enjoy. I'm missing choir days badly. Even though we get scolded, stayed up pretty late in school, get tired when we got back home, its something that I really enjoyed deep down in my heart. It is like a routine in my life to sing every tues, wed, and fri. Now my voice has gone cranky and airy, its really horrible.

Was out with clar, joce, cheryl, and eunice2. Watched The Time's travellers wife. The plot is alright, and at least the take home message I got was to chersish the people around me more(: FAME is out tmr. I guess what joce shared with me was right. I might be stirred. I hope I'm on the right track so far, and on my way to pursue my dream and passion. God please guide me.

I've received an email that I like pretty much. I need some time to consider.

Dear Daddy God,

I know the prelims are over. But the beginning to As is only starting now. I've going to trust everything into your hands, the results, the process, the worries and anxiety. I know my worries and problems are small because you're so Big for everything. Thank you lord for the blessings and plenty of abundance that is going to come. I love you, always and forever.

Allicia.

2009-09-22T16:07:00.001+08:00

This is depressing. Topics that I dint study came out. Goodness.
Exams hate me. I hate them too.
Tell me what to do.

2009-09-19T21:01:00.003+08:00

I'm really upset today. Is it the weather or is it me?

Cello lessons were darn screwed today(in my opinion). I played Bach suite no.1 like a piece of funeral song, Vivaldi sonata no.5 like marathon, and my new piece dint sound good too. The title in chinese sounds like some really sad song, and all the more its in Bflat major. How depressing, really.

Something's really wrong with me. I cant pitch B and my wrist really flicks in a weird manner. The bow doesnt like me. It's strange how this bad feeling stayed with me until now, and I cant concentrate studying bio. Those weird cloning and vectors is making me irritated.

Anyone want to enlighten me?

2009-09-18T16:40:00.005+08:00

I'm glad the week's finally ending.

I had a hard time trying to study ytd. Maybe running in the rain ytd gave me headache. All those econs concept were like pieces of clouds floating in the sky. I just stared at it, and nothing went it. How horrid. As expected, econs paper today wasnt good. I dunno. I did my best, I'm letting God do the rest. Sometimes I question why is my faith so small.

Bio paper 3 next week is ______. (i dont even want to describe it)

Currently listening to Libertango by Astor Piazzolla.

2009-09-17T12:33:00.002+08:00

I'm in love with this. It makes you feel like in some paradise.

2009-09-16T15:48:00.004+08:00

I was practising yesterday, and I realised that my cello bridge was quite pretty. It has a heart on it. Aww (: Its rather strange, playing cello feels like going for a workout. Left hand fingers get abit sore, and right arm has like lactic acid(nearly accumlating). Haha, as I'm typing, my fingers are trembling. Oh well, its worthwhile (:

Off mugging for chem.

2009-09-13T16:37:00.000+08:00

I have a pair of weird ears. On one hand, its irritating and bad coz its always block. I feel like I'm talking inside a balloon. On one hand, I became better at listening to pitch, and its seems like I can hear different frequencies. Weird.

I better go study for chem now.

2009-09-12T21:50:00.000+08:00

I'm feeling _____.

Its really kinda weird. Cello lesson really made me really happy today. Its amazing that despite all the weird stress from chem, music never wavered. I hope it stays that way and even better. Finally done with the show, its really sad. Aww.

2009-09-11T00:12:00.005+08:00

Sometimes I wonder if music is only for talented people.

Sometimes I wonder if I could ever fufill my dream.

Sometimes I wonder that my dream is too huge to ever be fufilled.

Sometimes I wonder how far I can live my life with music.

Sometimes I wonder if I ever get the chance to be on stage again.

Sometimes I wonder how hard is it to make the first step.

Life is full of choices. I want to live my dream.

Dear Daddy God, I know you hold my future in your hand. I believed in it ever since someone told me in sec1. You've given me so much, more than I could have ever imagine. Help me to fufil my dream, and guide me in making the right decisions.

Your beloved. Amen

2009-09-10T19:51:00.000+08:00

I had a great time last night with my girlfriends and guys(: I realised that the company of them always makes me feel happy and comfortable.

I'm still listening to the OST. It's fabulous. The music just make you feel like in heaven, floating, really light. It makes you feel like you're in love. Haha, I'm really in love with it. And addicted.

2009-09-08T19:12:00.000+08:00

Blogger is so darn weird these days. I cant upload pictures and the format changed.

I've been so unproductive with extremely low efficiency. (Reminds me of the lac operon suddenly, where when glucose levels are low, cAMP levels are high and binds to the CAP to form cAMP-CAP complex and binds to CAP site to increase rate of transciption.) Maybe I need some stimulant to bind to me. oh well.

I've been practicing my cello for countless of hours these days. Maybe its a good avenue to destress (like what my teacher said). Vent all my stress on the cello and the accented notes will sound good and firm. haha. Playing makes calluses on my finger even harder and more painful. But i like the process of playing music and enjoying it.

Feeling random.

2009-09-07T16:32:00.003+08:00

I was listening to one of the ost from a Korean Drama and it remembered me of our last performance. The title "Last Concert" makes alot of sense to me. really.

6 years in choir, 6 years of singing, 2 choirs, 1 conductor and countless of friends with the same passion of music. Indeed, the most joyous thing on earth is able to hear and make music. The song is making feel melancholic. Our last SYF will always be etched in my mind always.
I love njchoir.

2009-09-06T16:07:00.000+08:00

Random thoughts:

Charismatic musicians are my cup of tea.
I want Beehoven as my boyfriend.

Currently in love with Beethoven's thought.

2009-09-05T23:24:00.002+08:00

Prelims's wasnt so good. 2more weeks to go.

Something's wrong with me ear again, the same problem during the SYF period. It's irritating, constantly blocked and ringing sometimes. Goodness. Maybe's the blues again.

I'm so into orchestra music now(: lovely, esp Symphony No.9 by Beethoven.

I wish my whole life could be revolve around classical music.

2009-09-01T22:17:00.000+08:00

I was lost today. Lost in my own world of fear and delirium.
I couldn't proceed.
I am thankful for God for leading me back, giving me comfort and helping me through it all.

2009-08-28T14:56:00.000+08:00

考试压力快把我给逼疯了。
很难想象下个星期就是考试了。

我的头脑还真不灵活，做什么事多不顺利。
怎么办？

2009-08-26T18:01:00.002+08:00

I really hate typing in english. Really. Oh well, but i cant transpose certain words like Colours Award to chinese. haha. 颜色奖？I've been spending a great deal of time with the FB girls(: since National Celebrations (oops abit outdated), choir photoshoots, and colours award(: *hearts them*

英文是个很可怕的东西。如果你不爱他，他会把你整得很惨。

2009-08-17T23:10:00.001+08:00

一加一等于二。
一个人的快乐，也能等于两个人的幸福吗？

认为自己而活。
想想吧。

2009-08-16T16:34:00.000+08:00

原本昨天，我是很开心的。

今天却糟透了。
不想再解释，也不想为自己找理由。
下次会更好，一定不辜负老师的期望。

2009-08-09T17:05:00.000+08:00

昨天，终于遇见和我拉二重奏的伙伴！
真开心，也非常期盼下星期的到来。

昨晚，我做了一个很美丽的梦。
梦，虽然不能成真，但起码让我很开心。

新加坡，生日快乐！

2009-07-29T23:10:00.000+08:00

我认为星期三是整个星期最累的一天。
虽然累，但是我满喜欢下午所发生的事。

有可能连续的几天，会更忙。
加油（：

2009-07-27T22:13:00.000+08:00

有些事是不需要理由的，
想做就做。

人生就是这样。
随性；

2009-07-25T23:19:00.002+08:00

昨天，那种感觉消失了。
没有希望的人生，的确很无聊。

还是保持客观的态度吧。
就当作刚做了一场美丽的梦。。。

2009-07-23T20:43:00.002+08:00

我认为我胖了。
今天心情比以往更差。
英文成绩令我太失望了。

我觉得我太笨了。
刚刚补习时，我连基本的问题都不会。
到底我在想些什么呢？

又有谁能了解我呢？

伤心时，我暴饮暴食。
刚刚晚餐吃了两人的分量。
几时天才会晴朗呢？

2009-07-22T21:42:00.002+08:00

傍晚，我做了一场梦。
在梦里，我梦到我的大提琴老师，梦到比我天资高的小朋友。
幸好不是真的，以为太可怕了。

最近，我上瘾了。
对坂本龙一的曲子情有独钟。
尤其The Wuthering Heights, 和Bibo No Aozora。
我喜欢它独特的风格，没有规律的旋律次。
让音乐“自由”起来，没被限制住。

沉浸在喜欢的音乐了，原来是那么美妙。。。

2009-07-20T21:23:00.002+08:00

你的天空有没灰过？

突然，失去了人生方向，觉得很迷茫。
不知是否要寻找梦想，或是寻找安稳的生活。
那个险，也未免太大了吧。

我心情突然很差。
钢琴弹了约一个小时，连一首曲子也没练好。
手子真不听话，频频弹错。
基本的旋律也被我搞得乱七八糟。
一定是心情吧。
我很用心，可是就是没有心情。。。

对自己实在太失望了。
唱了五年的合唱团，也没唱什么令我个人骄傲的。
谈了十三年的钢琴，也么弹出什么超美妙的曲子。
我很喜欢大提琴，但，是否也会让我失望？

我真的没有音乐细胞或天资吗？
亲爱的上帝，请领导我吧。

2009-07-19T22:58:00.002+08:00

三十楼的风景的确太美了。

昨天，四点多就起身了。

从文礼，到巴西立公园，然后又到了大岜窑。

整个下午和一位新认识的朋友坐在三十楼的走廊上。

当然，有些居民投诉，有些则给我们有色眼光。

等了等，最后一小时终于撑不住，抱着书包睡着了。。。

真糟糕，功课堆积如山。

昨晚，我梦见我吹巴松罐。

是不是。。。

2009-07-16T20:20:00.002+08:00

我很庆幸有她们。

今天合唱团有表演，不晓得怎样了。。。

放学后与同学们去看哈利伯特。

看完之后，然我觉得很失望。

有可能是我个人的看法吧，也有可能是因为心事重重。

我要努力。

2009-07-15T17:13:00.002+08:00

我的天空今天有点灰。

原本早上的心情还不错，因为一整天期盼着下午。
但，被——骂了之后，心情降到谷里。

我承认我有错，的确是我的疏忽。
但又有谁能体谅我的难处呢？
又有谁来帮我呢？
我尽力了，但是就没被欣赏。
我的努力，你是否看透了吗？
我知道你对我彻底失望，但也不因为了这次而对我失去信任。
我很对不起。。。

抱着沉重的心情上大提琴课。
拉出来的曲子，听起来伤心，忧愁。
老师见了我，很努力地想让我开心。
可是怎样拉我都拉的没起劲。。。
最后，提早结束课。

虽然心情好了点，但面对我的是沉重的压力与责任。
他，让我想起其实生活还是瞒精彩。
期盼着。。。

2009-07-10T23:05:00.002+08:00

我对我自己感到很失望。

年中考试不理想，真是烂透了。
还有，一些小事一直闷在心里。

我真的不知道为什么会这样。
有可能是我的“低潮”吧。
可是总觉得这次的感觉和以往不同。

从始到终，我一直没被受到肯定。
听了---的消息后，真觉得很失望。

我想游泳，像一条鱼一样，无忧无虑的在水里游。
真希望烦恼赶快消失。。。